If there is anything worse than getting interrupted at the climax of a good book, I don’t know what it would be. Why is it that my dog needs to go out, my boss wants to talk about my project, or my children say they’re “hungry”, at the exact wrong moment in my story? It’s as if the entire universe conspires against my reading. Why? Why can’t I just be allowed to fall deep into beautiful prose in peace?
Just as Lahn, from Splinter’s Edge, wishes he could hide away in his apartment, read his epic fantasy and ignore the supernatural events happening to him, we’ve all felt that pain. We’ve all experienced that frustration. So, to make this world a better place, here are 10 ways to read uninterrupted!
Number 10 – Hide in the Closet
This is a classic whenever you need a little time to yourself. Pretend it’s a game of hide-and-seek where you never intend to be found, and cosy up with favorite book in the pleasant seclusion of a closet.
Pros:
- It’s nice and dark and cool.
- The hanging clothes create a natural barrier against the noise from the world.
- Bonus: The joy that comes from hearing people call your name, and pretending they don’t exist.
Cons:
- Unless you’ve got a beanbag handy, sitting on the floor can get uncomfortable.
- Some parts of the world don’t believe in closets. But I guess a wardrobe could do in a pinch.
Number 9 – Pretend to be asleep
Unless you have children under the age of 4, naps are respected as sacred. No one wants the wrath that comes from interrupting nap-time. Take advantage of that, hide under your blankets and get some quality reading time in peace.
Pros:
- Nothin’ more comfy for reading than lounging on a couch or bed.
- Bonus: This method can lead to an actual nap.
Cons:
- Unless you historically take very long taps (looking at you, Jennifer) your reading time may be limited.
Number 8 – Read while everyone else is asleep
That, of course, leads to our next great option. Why sleep at all when you could be reading? Personally, I can’t think of much that is more satisfying that sitting or laying in bed late into the night, deeply absorbed into my latest adventure, telling myself I’ll read just one more page.
Pros:
- The world is less likely to bug you when it’s eyes are closed.
- There is no guilt about something else you should be doing (other than sleeping.)
Cons:
- The drag of the next day is real. But totally worth it!
Number 7 – Hide in the back of your car
If hiding inside of the house is to obvious, try finding someplace outside your four wall. Your car is a great option that no one would think up, but close to home, just in case your kids start something on fire.
Pros:
- Cars are designed to minimize noise. Perfect for focusing on a great book.
- The nice location might be the last place anyone would look for you.
Cons:
- The heat of the summer may make this option unviable. Make sure to crack a window.
Number 6 – Climb out on your roof
If you really want a great place to hide at your house, try your roof. Who’s going to look for you up there? No one! While you might not get access to the roof if you live in an apartment, if you can get to the roof of your work building, you are guaranteed to be left alone. You might be thinking it’s risky to hang out fifty-plus feet in the air, but as Mila from Mere Mortal says, “The valiant only die once.”
Pros:
- You can enjoy the pleasantness of the day while enjoying the pleasantness of your story.
- Bonus: if the protagonist does something really stupid, throwing your book off the roof is a great way to show them who’s the boss.
Cons:
- The available seating may not be the most comfortable.
- Won’t work well as a hiding place if the weather is not cooperating. Reading outside in a snowstorm is challenging. Won’t do that again.
Number 5 – Move to Alaska
Alaska has the lowest population density in the United States, with 1.3 people per square mile. Those kind of numbers makes it a great place for reading uninterrupted, regardless of my last “snowstorm” comment.
Pros:
- There’s not much else do there, you might finally make a dent in your TBR.
- If cozying up in the blankets when the weather outside is frightful is your thing, Alaska could be the place for you.
Cons:
- The snow situation may not be everyone’s cup of weather.
Number 4 – Get Lost in the Desert
On the other end of the environment scale, getting lost in the desert should give you the solitude you desperately desire. Get yourself good-and-lost, and you could have as much time as you want to read. Maybe the rest of your life.
Pros:
- If you don’t have a chair, you can easily dig out a fun little seat.
- Bonus: if you’re lucky, you might stumble onto a sietch of Fremen.
Cons:
- Sand. I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere.
Number 3 – Sky Diving
This amazing option has really flown under the radar. But there are very few situations that have as strong of a guarantee; no boss will call, no kids will clammer for your attention. You can focus on your book with distractions miles away.
Pros:
- That intense scene at the climax will really be enhanced as the wind rushes by, and the ground rushes at you.
Cons:
- Admittedly, the amount of time available for each reading session may be a bit short.
- Don’t drop your book.
Number 2 – Pretend to be Dead
Sometimes, just sometimes, drastic measures are called for. When you can’t get the freedom you need to read your stories, consider this option. If people think you are dead, do what you want. Read as much as you want.
A quick tip: when you are looking to fake your death, Cohen from The Dissection and Reassembly of Cohen Hoard might know some people that could help.
Pros:
- To anyone that’s ever said, “I’ll never have time to read until I’m dead,” here’s your chance.
Cons:
- Reading in a casket can be tricky. Don’t forget a flashlight.
And Number 1 – Read a super-amazing book
Let’s be honest: if the book is good enough, who cares what the world wants. Right? The prose takes precedence. Fortunately for you, Splinter Press books are super-amazing. Check out one of these to fulfill all your life-distracting reading needs:
Mere Moral – YA Dystopian
Cohen Hoard – Comedy, SciFi Mystery
Splinter’s Edge – SciFi Thriller (eBook | Signed Paperback)
